Trying not to raise a brat

Anyone that has been following me would know that I struggle with Chloe’s temperament on the daily. From birth she has been quite the handful and it really doesn’t look like it’s slowing any time soon. I guess I’m slightly in denial that I have one of those “spirited” children that are apparently destined to be leaders and change the world. As great as that is and even though I’m thrilled that one day in the future she’s going to move mountains, break barriers and challenge the impossible – I’m slightly terrified that I might be raising a brat.

As a parent you really need to pick your battles, but it’s a fine line between being assertive and rolling over and letting your mini be the boss. I certainly have a mini boss on my hands and I know I am largely to blame for that. Chloe is very sensitive and is not afraid to voice her disapproval…loudly…and frequently! I really do try and hold my ground to show her I’m in charge and that her behaviour is not acceptable but I’m finding a worrying majority of the time I’m loosing the will to fight it and just let her have her way. I’ve tried a few different tactics to try and curb her behaviour;

• The shouting mum – really not encouraged, it just made her think shouting to get her way was ok.
• The deaf mum – just ignoring the tantrums and defiance. Again, not really recommended as it just made her think there’s no consequence to her brattiness.
• The negotiator mum – bribery, pleading and lots of “Chloe, Chloe – listen to mummy…”. Apparently trying to talk a toddler down from a blowup about spilled juice (that the toddler spilt might I add) by telling her it’s ok is simply unacceptable and clearly not ‘ok’ in the world of Chloe.

For the most part I’m a survival mum. I’ll do whatever I need to do to get through the day without completely loosing control of things and most days I feel at some point I’ve failed. I know the “fail” word gets thrown around a lot when it comes to parenthood and it’s usually in the context of “you’re not failing, you’re an awesome mother”, but when each day starts with your toddler screaming at you because you asked her to lay down to put a clean nappy on you can’t help but feel you’ve messed up somewhere along the way. Most of the time I don’t even know what her angst is over and although it has gotten a bit easier with her ability to verbalise, she is often in distress for little or nothing at all.

I have said a few times that I want to tame but not break her spirit. But I tell you, her little attitude has this mama at breaking point. I am well aware that I sometimes resemble the walking dead – blood-shot eyes, whopping blue bags under my eye balls and murmuring gibberish whislt clutching ferociously at anything that resembles coffee. Some might assume that I don’t sleep a lot but truth be told I get more sleep than I probably need. Chloe has been blessed (or we have been) with very good sleeping habits so I assure you I am not tired. I am fucking exhausted! Not from lack of sleep but from battling my childs’ will constantly.

Now I don’t want to make Chloe out to be a total feral monster, she certainly has her adorably sweet moments. They are just few and far between her chaotic and unreasonably irrational moments. To give you a glimpse into a regular day of ours the tantrums usually start first thing over getting dressed or giving her breakfast – Miss Chloe doesn’t like being told what do to and if she doesn’t get what she wants (even if she hasn’t hinted to it – apparently my mind reading abilities are lacking somewhat) exactly when she wants it there is screaming, throwing of anything she can reach, whingeing and more recently – smacking and hitting. This continues relentlessly throughout the day, it can start out of absolutely nowhere and I’m just completely baffled as to how to calm her. Simply saying a gentle ‘no’ can set her off. My first response is generally to get down to her level and speak to her calmly, trying to get her to tell or show me what’s wrong and offering her comfort. But lately I have just been throwing my hands up, groaning under my breath “oh my god, what now?!?!!??!” and leaving her to have her moment. I know this isn’t ideal or helpful but sometimes I am honestly out of ideas and the strength to manage her temperament.

Shopping has become probably the biggest stressor for us. I have had to abort mission from one too many shopping trips as Chloe has been too much to handle and I’ve had to leave before I start throwing myself on the floor in a fit too. I have developed blinders to avoid the scornful looks from other patrons and always keep my sunglasses on hand if I do happen to boil over and start crying before I can get back to the car (side note; crying is my way of releasing frustration). I posted on Instagram not long ago that I have been asking Chloe to help me a lot, being Miss Independent she thrives on getting to take control so throwing things in the trolley or helping cross off the grocery list can successfully keep her content for a short while. But it is still a stuggle of wills to get her to sit in a trolley for longer than 15 minutes and when she does start fussing I generall have to wrap things up pretty quick to avoid the public shame of having to beg my two year old to stop screaming. And of course she turns the charm right up in front of everyone to make me out to look like a total drama queen, flashing everyone a cheeky smile and franitcally waving and yelling ‘Bye Bye Bye BYYYEEEEE’ to the checkout lady as we leave. I swear she puts on her sassy pants just to test me and see how far she can push my buttons before I crack.

I like to think I still have the upper hand being that I am the adult but she absolutley likes to remind me she has me wrapped firmly around her little finger and I am well aware of it! I don’t feel she is old enough to understand timeout and she can barely count to three so I haven’t tried the 1, 2, 3 method yet. I know she is not the worst behaved child around and I am sure (or I hope) her temperament will mellow as she grows but for now I am trying my hardest not to let her turn into a spoilt brat. Some days I feel like I am failing and giving in far too easily but deep down I do know that pushing all those boundaries is all apart of her developing. I may not cope with it as well as I should some times, there isn’t enough coffee and wine available to me some days, but I must remember not to be too hard on myself. I’m doing my best and god knows I love that kid, even if she is the cause of my permanent forehead wrinkle and growing fear of shopping centres. 
 

Butter wouldn’t melt. No no, it sizzles!

 

Weird things mums get excited about

The list of things that change about life after having children is seemingly endless. Your B’s (boobs, bum, bod), your sleep patterns, your relationships, your memory (hot tip; baby brain is a thing and it’s permanent), your hair growth – just about everything changes. But lately I have found myself having a good belly chuckle at some of the things I now get excited about being a mama.

Seeing an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House you haven’t already seen 643 times 📺

I know that kids don’t mind when they see repeats but oh my lord, must the same episode be repeated 14 times a day everyday for 3 weeks??!!?! I don’t know who’s more on the edge of their seat as the intro song is nearing its end, Chloe to see her fav mouse and pet dog that doesn’t talk but friend dog that does (yes this perplexes and bothers me so I had to mention it – what’s the go with Goofy and Pluto 🤔) or me to see if it’s something other than the episode where they all send Donald a sympathy package coz he has major fomo that everyone else is getting mail but him.

Solid poos (from your children not you, let’s not get too personal) 💩

Yeah it’s gross I know but until you’re a mum you will never understand the emotions around a child’s bowel movements. When not a lot of wipage is required and you know a cute outfit has been salvaged from a potential shit storm you tend to give yourself a little mental high five. It’s such a relief when you don’t have to go through in your mind everything your child has ingested, food or otherwise, in the last 3 days to figure out what the cause of a loose potent stool was. And of course, not getting shit under your nails is always a bit of a fist pump moment too.

New anything that isn’t for your child 🛍

A large portion of the household finances as a family with young children goes towards said children so when we get an opportunity to spend some of that dosh on something that isn’t for the kids it’s pretty thrilling. It doesn’t even have to be anything fancy, I bought a new peg basket and pegs the other day and the anticipation to put all those new little peggies in their new little unweathered, not frail and falling to pieces peg home was strangely {tragically} satisfying.

Coffee ☕️

Ok ok, I know a lot of people get excited for coffee but for us mamas it’s next level. I don’t think I really even need to explain it, just coffee. And for the mums that don’t drink coffee, you’re like a mythical unicorn with super human abilities and I am slightly intimidated by your willpower.

The sound of someone else’s screaming toddler in a shopping centre 🙉

So there are a few different emotions that come with this one – a sense of belonging that I’m not the only one with a hyper emotional mini, compassion as I have been there trying to wrangle my child with bribery of treats to be good or empty threats of time out if the shenanigans continue, and a bit of relief that it isn’t my child this time. Pre-child the echos of a inconsolable child would have been my queue to exit the shopping centre but now days it’s like the worrier cry for us mamas to band together and lend a hand, or sympathetic nod at least, to our fellow mama in need. But I secretly give Chloe, and myself, a little pat on the shoulder if we’ve made it through a shopping trip without any tears (from either of us) coz that shit is rare!

Going to work 👩🏼‍💻

I need to preface this by saying I love my daughter and love spending time with her, and I don’t think I’m the only part time working mum that feels this way, but I friggen love my work days! For a few days I get to be just me and not mum, well up until pick up time anyway which is generally around witching hour after a full day of playing and learning so super mum mode kicks in to get the monster fed, bathed, put in bed and then prep for the next day all before curling into a heap on the couch to watch a few minutes of TV before crashing out ourselves. Our identity changes when we become parents, like it or not. So a day or two a week we can switch off from being mama into a contributing member of the worlds economy is refreshing. It’s also a mega bonus when you have an amazing work family like I do, always willing to listen to my stories of mum life secretly wishing to never procreate, best form of contraception 👍🏻

Hot showers or bathroom breaks sans audience 🚿🚽

I know most people get some pleasure from a lovely hot shower but when it’s for longer than 1 minute and 7 seconds or without a small human pulling the curtain back to ask why you don’t have things hanging where daddy has things hanging or throwing the TV remote and the cat into the water with you then it’s definitely cause for celebration. And toilet time without an audience, or in my case a small human trying to push you off the toilet yelling “my toilet, get off mummy!”, is equally exciting.

Going to bed 🛏

Yup, we get really excited about bed time. Not just the kids bedtime coz that in itself can be cause for an awkward pelvic thrusting, arms waving, ass shaking jig outside their bedroom door (IF it has worked and the little snot actually stayed in bed and is on the way to dreamland). But some days the thought of crawling into our own bed without a miniature stuck to our side and having anywhere between 3 – 7 hours (depending on the child and if they appreciate the splendor that’s is sleeping – you know, some haven’t quite cottoned on to that yet) uninterrupted slumber is near orgasmic. And who that fuck wants to head out clubbing on a Friday night anymore anyway, gimme a sleeping child and my own cozy bed (and perhaps some sneaky chocolate) and some YouTube catch up before getting some nice peaceful sleep any day over jäger bombs and slut dropping at loud dirty clubs (gosh, I sound so old!).

And then there’s all the incredible things your children do that leave you in awe that you created such perfection. It’s usually all the firsts – first time they crawl, first tooth, first steps, first word – all the little things that you just can’t wait for but are stupidly excited when they happen then you instantly want time to stop so you can soak it all in before they learn the next exciting thing. The most ironically exciting thing I have found of all the exciting things that come with being a mum is waiting for Chloe to wake up every morning. Even when she has driven me to the edge of my sanity the day before and I know she is even less of a morning person than myself and will probably spend the first hour of being up lying on the lounge room floor wailing that I offered her breakfast (#shitmum), I am still the most excited to pop through her door and see her little face every morning.

What are some of the weirdest things you get excited about as a parent?