Chloe had her first real illness this week, a lovely viral infection caught from her first week at daycare no doubt. I was completely aware that putting her into daycare would have her catching every kind of nasty little bug and infection but like a lot of new parents I was dreading the first illness and we’ve been mighty lucky to have almost made it to 1 year old without so much as a runny nose. I first thought I had been a shit mum and given her questionable meat again (yeah it’s happened once..or twice, OK twice) but when she started cuddling up to me as she softly sobbed I knew something was wrong.
After waking through the night in a pool of spew I scooped her up and gave her a warm bath, filled her up with as much water as she’d take, temp check (apparently my thermometer from the BigW bargain bin is faulty..who’d of thunk it) and back to bed where she slept the night like usual. Next morning she did a poo worthy of a nuclear plant explosion or volcano eruption, the kind where there’s no point trying to salvage the soaked onsie – just throw it is the nappy sack and in the bin! Another spew and snuggling into my shoulder had me running out the door to the walk-in doctor service. “Viral infection, lots of fluids and Panadol/Nurofen to keep her temp down and she’ll be right in a few days. Oh and you’ll probably get it too so be prepared”. Ok, cheers Doc.
The afternoon was spent cuddling and watching toons with my sick little cub. Although I was heartbroken to see her in pain and sobbing every few minutes with body aches and cramps I actually fucking loved the cuddles. If you have read my other blogs you’ll know Chloe hates being cuddled and held so I did not mind one ounce to be snuggled up all arvo with my bambina. She even fell asleep on me which she has only ever done maybe 4 times in her life. My heart felt so full and for a short while I felt like I was all she needed and I was the worlds most boss mum rather than the “fumbling-googling-calling my sister for mum wisdom at the first sign of a unusually runny nappy” that I usually am.
Fast forward 12 hours and Chloe is nearly back to her normal self. She has already thrown her standard tantrum at breakfast, the audacity of me to try and help a sista out with a fork for her crumbly crust-less egg omelet. Then for me to softly say ‘no no’ when she threw her crumpets on the floor – god what was I thinking, I’m such a horrible mother. Sensitive Suzy is back in full force. Is it wrong of me to prefer her sick? Does it make me a bad person to miss the sluggish snugly bubu she was yesterday?
I’ve mentioned it in a previous blog but Chloe rarely comes to me for comfort when she is sad or hurt. She generally just cries it out on her own as she just struggles out of my grips if I try cuddling her to calm her down. I know in future this may be a good thing as she won’t be reliant on me when ever she takes a tumble or another kid steals her toy but not gonna lie, it makes my heart hurt a little to not be needed. I mean I know she needs me, obvs she cant change her own nappy or dress herself yet but to not have to force hugs on her would be fab. I guess she gets her lack of need for affection from me, although since becoming a mum a good old love oozing, boob crushing hug is much appreciated for this mama bear.
I know she is going to be sick a lot more over the next few months as she settles into daycare and I know there are going to be days where I’m covered in spew and/or snot wishing she would get better quick so I can move around the house without a life sucking leech of a baby on my hip but for that one day, the first sickness – it wasn’t so bad and I actually loved the little love bug she was. And of course I still love her when she’s not sick, her independence will one day turn her into a strong willed and confident young lady I’m sure. But I definitely wont be so terrified of her next sick spell, cuddles come at me!