I didn’t realise blogging was such a massive community until I started discovering the many idols I now follow (albeit stalk) daily. Being a shy person and extremely self critical I honestly didn’t expect anyone to be interested in my rambling, I started blogging as therapy for myself (I suffer from PND and as my husband works away it gets lonley in my own head so writing is extremely therapeutic) and to share my experiences of being a first time mother with my husband working away from home . If I were ever to inspire or make another mummy feel at ease that they are experiencing the same difficulties then that would be extremely flattering and amazing but totally unexpected.
In all honesty I didn’t enjoy motherhood in the beginning and some days now I still have moments where I wish I could walk out the door and never return. But blogging has given me an outlet to express my feelings both high and low and I know when I’m having a super shit day where Chloe is teething hard and driving me up the flipping wall I can jump onto Instagram (when the mini terrorist is finally down for a nap) and either find a fellow mummy blogger having as equally shit of a day or having an enviously spectacular day which reminds me this is just a fleeting moment and it will pass. It’s amazing to be able to relate to so many mamas over the same/similar parenting struggles. It really does save your sanity some days to know your not alone and makes you feel so proud to be apart of this exclusive group that is motherhood.
I have found so many incredible bloggers/killer mamas/badass rad women through Instagram who lift my spirt daily and I’m so incredibly admirable of their writing talent and that they are just taking life by the balls and smashing it. It’s probably my overdriven self criticalness but I honestly don’t put myself in the same category as these amazing women and I get totally fan girl when I see one of them like one of my posts or follow me. I never started my blog with the expectation to gain thousands of followers but I always get little stomach butterflies when I see another person follow me. It’s like an achievement for sharing my heart and soul with everyone on the inter web which in itself is super scary but so liberating. I still get so anxious before posting a blog and I feel like a total armature but I get warm fuzzies in my heart when people comment that they enjoy reading my ramblings.
I find myself obsessing a lot about my content and whether people will enjoy it, so much so I’ve had to stop myself re-reading my drafts 47 times before publishing and just take the leap to share my insane thoughts and just hope people wont think I’m total nuts. It probably has something to do with my OCD tendencies but I want to stay genuine but also make sure I don’t overdo it with my sometimes dark humour (incase anyone is worried I do really love my daughter and I dont actually want to donate her to charity – it’s just my ‘Sami humour’). But the amount of support and encouragement I’ve experienced from fellow mummy bloggers is just so heartwarming and humbling, it really is an amazing community to be apart of.
I don’t know how long I’ll continue blogging for. I’d like to think that in the future Chloe will be able to look back on my page and read about why her mama is totes insane, many potty training fails (sorry future Chloe, I’m sure I embarrass you more than you’d like), potentially stories of her sibling/s (calm your tits, this candy store is well and truly closed at the moment but you know, crazier things have happened) and the first time she said a swear word at school. With returning to work, the husband soon starting a local job (no more FIFO – yay, maybe, oh shit I have to live with a boy again) and of course Chloe rapidly approaching toddlerhood I’m certain I’ll have plenty of uplifting, soul destroying, kinda-funny (that ‘Sami humour’), encouraging, rambling stories to share.